The Only Constant Thing is Change

I've worked hard over the past few years, and I've come a long way since starting this journey. I've experienced euphoric victories, and also felt so low I didn't think I'd feel accomplished or happy again. I've been able to do things I never thought possible, and also felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall. It's been a crazy couple of years, all working towards the goal of completing a marathon next year - and I don't think that's going to happen. That goal's going to have to change.

Despite all of my accomplishments and persistence over the past few years, I'm realizing that a full marathon next year, isn't very likely. I've dealt with several injuries in my back, my knees and my hips, and all that's added up to slower progress than I anticipated. My training plan has changed from one of cardio endurance and stronger running, to one of strengthening my joints - especially my hips, to prevent further injuries from cropping up.

Here's the kicker though, it's hard sometimes, but I'm not letting that get me down. Slow progress is still progress. I will still do that marathon, just not when I thought I would. The timeline I set for myself doesn't look like I thought it would.

Fitness is a journey. For most people, it's a long journey. For pretty much everyone, it's a longer journey than anticipated, and that's certainly the case for me. I thought I would be much closer to my healthy/ideal weight a year or two into my journey. Here I am 3 years in and I still have around 100lbs to lose. Will that get me down? No. I'm still fighting. Still working. Still persevering.

I'm changing my plans and changing my goals, but I'm not giving up. You'll have to push goals back. You'll have to adjust your plans, and that's okay! Plans are not written in stone and sealed in blood! Change them as you need to, just don't let that get you down!

Keep fighting. Keep pushing. Don't give up.

100 pounds down!

This update is long overdue... a few weeks ago I hit a huge milestone of having lost 100lbs while using AdvoCare products! I've been working towards this for a while now, and honestly, it took a lot longer than I thought it would to hit, but I kept working, kept persisting and achieved it!

I find that's usually the case with this weight loss/fitness goals, but the big take-away I got from this is that this journey rarely goes to plan. You'll rarely hit the goal you hit in the time you wanted to hit it. Usually it will take much longer, but don't give up. Keep pushing. Fitness isn't a quick fix. It's a life-long journey. Life rarely goes according to plan, so why would fitness?

Just because something takes longer than you thought to reach, doesn't mean you shouldn't still work towards it anyway. Time will pass anyway, may as well make it count!

Happy fighting!

Mini Thoughts

If I were to describe the Indy Mini in one word, it would be this: Humbling.

It didn't go at all how I thought it would, just like training didn't go at all how I thought it would.
My plan was to take it pretty easy the first half of the race, then push harder the second half and leave it all on the course the last mile.

Yeah... that didn't happen at all.

During my training I increased my milage a slight bit too quickly and injured my IT band. It's been a struggle to deal with for about 2 months now.

Despite all my preparation prior to the race - the week leading up to it, and the morning of - to try and decrease the pain, I felt it get tender and tighten up around mile 3.5, and by mile 6, it seriously hurt and only got worse from that point on.

The most frustrating part of the race was the fact that I knew how hard I worked in the months leading up to the race and my finishing time didn't exactly reflect that. I kept getting passed by people pushing wheelchairs, people wearing jeans, people wearing bright orange shirts, and carrying signs proudly displaying "Back of the Pack". Then, as I start mile 12, I see the truck that follows the last participant.

I was upset because I knew, physically, that I could push harder. My legs were tired, but not that tired, I was hardly winded at all, except when I started crying out of embarrassement or frustration, but the pain going from my hip to my knee kept me from pushing like I wanted to.

Before the race even started, I fought fury because ahead of me in my corral, a guy's shirt said: "If you're behind me, you didn't train either." It made me want to scream. I DID train. I WORKED HARD for months leading up to the race, and for years before that to get healthy. Thanks, random dude, for taking all that away from me.

My goal going into the race was simply to finish. Originally, I wanted to finish strong, but I was encouraged by some very smart people, that because of my injury, I shouldn't worry about finishing like a champion, but just to cross the finish line.

I heeded their advice (mostly) and tweaked my goal. That morning, I wanted to finish the race knowing I gave it my all. Knowing that I left it all on the course. I would like to think I gave everything I could have, but honestly, I'm plagued by second-guesses. I constantly fought the feeling that the months of training and all the hard work I'd put in both in and out of the gym, was for naught. Doubts further emphasized by the fact that I'm not as sore yesterday or today as I expected to be. Makes me wonder if I really did give it my all, or if I got in my head too much and held back when I should have pushed on.

Several times during the race, and even now, I had to make the conscience choice to be proud of what I did. I completed my first half marathon, and while it didn't go like I wanted it to, there were several things that were outside of my control. 13.1 miles is no easy feat, and shouldn't be trivialized by playing the comparison game, the "what if" game, or wondering if I really did what I set out to do. Of course I did what I set out to do! I crossed the finish line, and that's what matters. I just have to keep telling myself that!

I wish I had your [insert something here]...

More and more, I hear people tell me “I wish I had your determination…” “I wish I had your drive…”.  I just want to respond with “How do you think I got the determination?” “How do you think I developed this drive?” I know they mean well, but at the end of the day you can get the exact same thing.

There is no magic formula for motivation. There’s nothing special that will create a drive to get healthy. It’s taken me years of mental retraining (and a lot of help from some incredible people). Hours upon hours of fighting the Blerch – many times the Blerch winning – before I improved my batting average against it. In my opinion, it takes much longer, and is much harder to train the mental aspect of fitness than the physical – and the physical aspect has much longer to go, still, if that tells you anything!

I really hate it people tell me they wish they had my drive. I know they mean it as a complement, and I’m not trying to sound arrogant here, but I think it really discounts all the effort, and quite literally, all the blood, sweat, and tears it’s taken to get to this point! I have a drive right now, yes. It comes from a goal that’s staring me in the face, and a belief that I can hit that goal. It also came from months and months and months of creating a no-excuse mentality.

Don’t tell me you wish you had my drive – GO GET IT! There’s nothing special about me. I would not be where I am if I didn’t intentionally change my surroundings, and my mindset. To keep my humility in check, that wouldn’t even be possible if Christ didn’t give me the grace to consider changing those things, and the ability to execute it. I really am nothing without Him and I hope that what I’ve accomplished will glorify Christ because it really is all because of Him. Not me.

Don’t discount my efforts of getting where I am now by making my journey seem easy. It hasn’t been. If you want to change something in your life, figure out what it takes to make that change and do it. Don’t look to the people who have what you want and think they’re something special about them – trust me, they’re not! They started off in the same place, or many times in a worse place, than you. Instead of telling me you wish you had something I have, ask me how I got it and let me help you get it too.

When is it okay to skip the gym?

When is it okay to not go to the gym?

When is it okay to skip a workout?

Short of recovering from an injury, is it ever okay to not complete, or even start a workout?

That conundrum has been plaguing me all week.

 

Because I'm training for the Indy Mini Marathon, I'm "running" 5 times a week now, upwards of 20+ miles per week.

Note: I put "running" in quotation marks because I don't actually run the whole distance. I've only run a mile without walking a few times, and I'm not even consistent at doing that.

Last week I was on vacation in Key West, Fl. Sunday we flew back and my plan was to go straight to the gym, before heading home from the airport. I didn't sleep much the night before, and while I can sleep on planes, I never sleep well. Leaving the airport I was tired and stiff, and I still have over an hour long drive to the gym, a mental battle raging the whole time of whether or not to complete the 2-3 miles scheduled.

It wasn't until just before I pulled into the gym parking lot that I figured out the cause of the mental battle that was then hours old. Of late I've developed a reputation of a hard-core-no-excuse-maker that never let's anything get in the way of a workout. Most of the time that's great because it keeps me accountable and it inspires other people as well. Other times it's not great because, like on Sunday, I didn't go to the gym because I wanted to, or even because I thought it would be beneficial. I went because I felt pressure. I went because I felt like I had to.

I kept saying to myself that a real athlete, a true distance runner, pushes through the workouts that don't feel good. After all, it's the ones you force yourself to go to that make the real difference between you and the rest of the folks at the gym. Those are the ones that create the mental toughness that you need. Skipping that workout - that easy workout on Sunday, is a defeat.

Was it really? I don't think so. Honestly, I was exhausted. An improvement in fitness would not have taken place. I needed rest. I don't regret skipping that workout.

Tonight... Not so much.

Tonight was another easier workout - 3mi, but I only made it half way through. I don't know if I was still exhausted, but even my warm-up pace, and rest/recovery pace felt like I was pushing to the absolute max. I felt stiff and tired the entire time. Usually the feeling of moving through hummus goes away after a few minutes, but tonight it did not. In fact, it got worse. A mile and a half in, I called it a night.

Quitter? Maybe. Should I have toughed it out? The jury's still out.

So, when is it okay to skip a workout? That answer's not always easy to answer.

What it Takes

Yesterday in was scheduled to complete a 6 mile run, but didn't because of the weather, so instead I did it today. A few exciting things happened and I also realized something.

First of all, I ran a full mile at 13:20! Not my fastest mile ever, but definitely the fastest without walking!

The 6 miles as a whole felt really good. It was hard, yes, but I slowed my pace down so that I didn't feel like I was going to die halfway through it. I did run when I could, but after pushing for a while I allowed some longer walk breaks. Felt good!

What happened afterward was pretty neat! There was a woman a couple treadmills over from me who approached me as I was cooling down. She said that I made that workout look easy and that I inspired her! She was bigger as well, and I've got to give her credit because she was at the gym working out! She asked me if I had support from friends and family, to which I answered that I did. She told me that she came from a family of marathoners and that she was the black sheep. I didn't get a chance to ask if she had support, but I did thank her. Even though I only did 6 miles (as opposed to 26.2 which is next year!), she said she could never do what I did!

That got me thinking... Anyone can do what I'm doing, but not many will. What I'm doing - going from almost 400lbs to a marathon and beyond - requires dedication and perserverence. Results will not come overnight, and the final goal takes a long time to happen. A lot of people give up long before they hit their final goal, and don't see the vast improvement that's already taken place. Getting healthy requires stamina. Mental stamina. Mental stamina is necessary LONG before physical stamina. (A lesson I'm still learning!) Last of all, getting fit does require support. If the people you surround yourself with don't support your efforts to be fit, then find new people to surround yourself with. As I've said before, at the end of the day, the buck stops with you, however, I would venture to say that it's impossible to make a major lifestyle change on your own.

If you want it bad enough, and you stick with it long enough, you can do it!

Fitness Bucket List

I've said from the beginning of my journey that I don't have a weight-loss goal in terms of a number on a scale. I'm more concerned with accomplishments and being able to do things without being held back by bad health. Here's a few things I want to be able to do before I die. My fitness/strength bucket list, if you will!

Run a marathon.
Complete an Ironman
Be able to maintain a 10 minute mile for at least 30 minutes - without stopping to walk.
Deadlift more than my body weight.
Leg press more than my body weight.
At least 3 unassisted pull-ups.
Body weight tricep dips.
Be able to climb a rope.
Be on the awards stand for a race.
Do at least 20 pushups on my toes.
Do a handstand.
Walk on my hands.
Vertical pushups.
Have a 6-pack.
Have muscular and defined legs, arms, and back.
Prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.

One more I'm not ready to state out loud just yet...

Okay, that's a scary list, and putting it out there is even scarier. I'm sure it will grow and change and time goes on, but as long as I can do those things, quite frankly, I don't care what the scale says.