Heading to the gym tonight for a Monday workout with my trainer. I've made it a rule to never miss a Monday workout, unless I have a mixer scheduled, but that only happened once a month. Even then I try to get one in during my lunch break at work.
Anyway, I digress.
Tonight's going to be tough and I'm really nervous about it. Last week we did fartleks on the treadmill. Apparently he was quite impressed and thought that I could do much better than my current mile time of around 14:30. (Up from 13:31 last year. :-( ) He said that I have a lot of mental blocks to break through and that I could definitely go much faster at the current fitness level I'm at.
I think he's crazy.
He went on to say that at the session tonight, we're getting on the treadmill again, and going at 5mph for a full mile. That's a 12 minute mile for those of you like me who's strong point is not math.
Now I know he's crazy!
I'm trying to talk myself out of being so nervous, but I really am! I really want to be able to do this, but this really puts me face to face with a lot of my insecurities and doubts about myself.
In a way it's very much like my AdvoCare business. There's a lot I want to be able to do, and think I can do, eventually, just not as quickly as getting it done tonight!
I know I've told many many people that running is 80% mental. I thought I've broken through a lot of the mental barriers I had, but apparently, there's a lot more that still need to be shattered.
What if I can't do it? What if I do it, but I'm breathing and heaving so hard that everyone around me wonder's, what's that fat girl think she's doing? 12 minute mile? What's the big deal? Why am I making such a big deal of this? If I can't do it tonight, big whoop. I'll get it done later on. But I really want to! What an accomplishment to say I've done it! What if I can't do it though? What if people hear how hard I heave and think that AdvoCare's not all it's cracked up to be because the fat girl on the treadmill obviously isn't very fit and healthy like AdvoCare reps should be?
See what I mean? I've been going through this cycle all day. I wish I could just tell my brain to shut up!
This has become a very vulnerable post...
Anyway, one way or another, I'm getting my workout in. We'll see what happens!
I'll say it for you. Stephanie's brain, shut up! You have this! Running is physical and mental, but it sounds like you are allowing your mental stability to be affected by the way you perceive your physical being. The body can do amazing things, but give it time. Stop perceiving that you can't do something, you can. You just have one more thing you need to focus on first, patience. I say this from personal experience. As the saying somewhat goes, it is not the destination, but the journey you traveled to get there. You have already won. A 12 min. mile is just the celebration cake!
ReplyDelete